I Never Wanted This
by serenasgurl
Summary: Kallian Tabris is forced outside the Alienage walls when she kills Bann Vaughan. Suddenly she'd got both freedom and responsibilty, but there's a problem. She never wanted this. City Elf Origin.
1. Chapter 1

I heard Mamae call me in from our little two room house. Actually, that wasn't fair. Our house was bigger than the apartments my cousins Shianni and Soris lived in, and I shouldn't complain. That's what Mamae tells me, anyhow.

I walked in smiling, but Mamae wasn't happy. Her face was hard, harder than I'd ever seen it before – except once, when my best friend Neria Surana was taken away by the Templars. When I got closer, she held me tight and whispered 'Listen'.

I heard Mr. Surana crying, and then a couple seconds later I really heard it – the clinking of iron armor, the rustling of chains, and the muted cussing of guards. They were coming closer, and I could hear them just outside the gates. They were coming into the Alienage, and that meant that they'd be coming by my house, which was why Mamae was holding me so close. She put her hands over my ears, but it didn't muffle the sounds that much.

The guards stopped in the community circle, and Valendrian, our Hahren, came out to see what was going on with Mr. Surana. I could hear Mrs. Surana and Neria's brothers and sisters running on the cobblestone street, and Mr. Surana was weeping. Why was my best friend's Daden weeping?

"I found this one," he shook Mr. Surana's chains,"trying to steal a goat from the marketplace. He got startled by the owners of the cart he tried to steal from, and the goat got away."

He turned to Mrs. Surana, who I could hear take a step back.

"Does the household have enough funds to replace the goat that escaped?"

Mrs. Surana said "No, we don't," before she ushered the kids back into their home. She closed the door and I heard Mr. Surana pleading with the guard, with his wife, with Valendrian and with anyone who would listen.

Then I heard the sound of a sword being unsheathed for the first time. I didn't even know what the sound was at the time, but a second later I had other things to worry about. The sound of the sword entering Mr. Surana, for one, and the strangled cry of Mr. Surana, for another. Mamae held me firmly in place so that I couldn't run out to see what happened, but Valendrian summed it up in a soft, sorrowful sentence.

"I agree that justice must be served equally between races, but did he have to die like a dog in the middle of his community?"

The sergeant dumped the corpse of Mr. Surana on the ground and left. The women of the community came out of their houses and comforted Mrs. Surana, and the will to answer Neria's latest letter left me. I didn't want to be the one to tell her that her Daden died, even if I was one of her only links to the outside world.

That night at dinner Mamae told Daden what happened. Daden paled, as he was friends with Mr. Surana, but he had news as well, news he wouldn't tell Mamae in front of me. He told me to take a shower, knowing that the sounds of the water would mute the soft tones my parents spoke in and that they'd be able to hear when the water stopped.

The shower was a new invention that had just been brought to the Alienage by a Highever elf. The Qun had invented it, and the Highever elf had installed it for us because my Daden helped him out. The water had to be collected for the invention to work, but last night it rained. All of the water was there already, and since there was a light cover over the tank, I didn't have to worry about spiders in my shower water. Holes in the floor took the water outside. I got out of my clothes and sighed. I wasn't going to hear anything that Daden and Mamae were going to say.

I opened the spout the water came out of, and stepped into the area where the water would be when it fell. The water was freezing, but I didn't say anything. I wanted to see if I had grown big enough to hear beyond the water. After a minute, I realized that you had to be bigger than seven to hear things over running water.

I took care of my shower quickly, and got out. Daden and Mamae weren't saying anything, but I still wanted to see if I could get anything out of them. I dried my brilliant red hair (which looked almost exactly like my Mamae's when it was pulled back) and myself before I got into my nightclothes – which were a pair of Soris' pants and an old shirt that I had torn too much to be wearable in public. I ran out of my room to see my parents, but neither of them looked at me.

Finally, after what seemed like hours my Daden sighed. "Train her if you must," he said, "but no one can know. That's something of a difficulty in here, I know, so please, go outside the walls to do it. Hide whatever you have to use. Your points were well made."

I looked up at my Mamae, but she shook her head. "I'll tell you in the morning, dear one. Kiss me and your Daden good night, and then it's off to bed, got it?"

After kissing them I went off to bed, not knowing just how much my life would change when I got up the next morning.

The normal morning activities still took place. Mamae and I made the breakfast meal, got the table ready, ate, and cleared everything away when we were done. Mamae put a soup on the hearth for supper, and then she got me from the chores I had been doing. I was only halfway through cleaning up my room.

"That can wait," she said, as she took me by the hand. "You must never tell anyone about what we do when we go outside of the Alienage, do you understand?"

I looked up and promised I wouldn't, mesmerized by my Mamae's tattoos. She normally covered them up, but today she hadn't bothered to apply her makeup. I noticed a leather pack on her back, but I didn't say anything. When Mamae wore it, I wasn't to ask many questions.

We went outside the city walls without too much trouble, as she knew a place where the walls were weak and falling apart. There was forest behind the hole in the wall, and Mamae took off her pack. She opened it, and I saw four wooden daggers – two for us each. She handed me a large one, and got one for herself.

"I am going to train you now. Too many human nobles think that the Alienage is their personal brothel, and you will learn how to protect yourself against them. The best training would be weaponless in our circumstances, but I don't know any hand to hand, so we'll have to make do with my days as a rogue to fall back on – understand?"

I nodded to show I was keeping up with the conversation, but my head was buzzing. Mamae had been a rogue?

"First, we'll work on your stance. Without a good stance your opponent can knock you flat on your back before you even get your weapons out. I'm about to attack you – how would you physically respond right now?"

I turned my body slightly and held my dagger out, and I hunched over slightly the way I had seen the guys do when they were wrestling. Mamae tisked, and then kneeled down so that she could see me. She looked into my eyes, and all the fun I had imagined training with my Mamae would be disappeared.

"The only thing you do right now is run. I know you can, Kallian, and I know you can run fast. If I tell you to run, that means that you run as fast as you can – away from me and away from whatever is causing me to tell you to run. If you don't understand that, I won't teach you a thing – understand?"

"I understand," I mumbled. This didn't sound like much fun.

My Mamae gripped my shoulder tightly, and shook me. "You need to understand this. If I tell you to, will you run?"

"Yes!" I nearly shouted, and I twisted away from her.

"Good," she said, and my training began.

The days and weeks after there was a different tone in my household. Every one of our neighbors could hear what went on inside our house, even though most didn't listen as a matter of principle. It was like eavesdropping inside the Alienage. Mamae and I would train in the day, and I would help my parents in the evening. Daden didn't smile for a long time after Mamae and I began our regimen outside the city walls.

Then we developed a code one day when the entire family was in the market, a place where no one, elven or otherwise, could hear us. 'Training' became 'housework' and 'daggers' became 'pots and pans'. For the first time Daden was able to ask me what I was learning and how I was doing in my training. He was able to get in on the big secret.

I got more athletic, and I told my friends that I wasn't available to play most days. My cousins, Soris and Shianni, were there to play with me on the days that Mamae did give me off, and as the lessons progressed, I slowly got more mature. The lessons continued on for years, and after I had daggers down, Mamae moved me onto other things – among which were how to act in certain circumstances. I asked her why, once.

"Because, my da'len, you'll go on to great things, and if you ever talk to the Queen, you'll need to know how to speak to her."

I didn't even want to know how she thought that I would ever see the Queen. King Cailan had just been put on the throne following the death of his father King Maric, and Anora mac Tir, daughter of the Hero of River Dane, was slotted to be the next Queen of Ferelden. I was an elf. Elves didn't meet the royal family.

The training had a profound effect on my strength. At nine, I could lift as much as Soris (who was two years older than me and helped the shopkeeper) and at twelve, I could lift as much as Mamae could. I never had big muscles, but they were sturdy and as soon as I got them, I was taught how to maintain them and how to keep up my abilities. Endurance became another part, and the next time that Mamae tested me, I was able to keep up with her the entire time.

I also learned bows and arrows. Mamae and I started bringing in food for us and our neighbors to eat, and though it wasn't much, we started donating stews to those who had come under hard times – which were families like Neria's. When a mage was born to your family, people don't buy from you anymore. I still wrote to her, but it was hard to write to her and not mention the training. I gave them to a man who always took my letters and gave me Neria's answers, but when he started coming less, I didn't mind.

I was twelve when I started my time of the month, and that was when our training started letting up. I wouldn't be getting married for another five or so years, but in those years I would have to learn what my friends had already spent a few years being taught. We still went out of bounds occasionally to keep physically fit, but I learned how to make many things with the kills we made during hunting. I found that I favored daggers and knifes to bows and arrows, and that backstabbing was an option that was very easy for me. Mamae also taught me how to take plants from the countryside and turn them into health potions and injury kits– which explained why I'd never gotten a broken bone that lasted more than thirty seconds.

Two years later on one of our hunting trips, we were followed by the king's men. I remember Mamae trying to shake off the king's men, but they had a mabari, and there weren't enough leaves on the trees at that point. Mamae and I were running, side by side, and it was getting harder to keep running with the branches whipping in my face. Mamae wasn't as young as she had been when we had started training, and I could see she wasn't holding pace very well.

Suddenly she was right close to my face, though, and Mamae was talking to me low enough that while I would hear her, the humans following us wouldn't.

"Go home, now."

She said it with such strength, such force, that I couldn't question her. I was losing speed and she was the adult. Everything in me told me to stay with her, but the first lesson came back to me. If I didn't run now, Mamae would stop all lessons in the future because she'd think I hadn't learned the first one. I would be a liability to her right now if I stayed. Maybe she didn't want me to see something. Fair enough, I thought. She'll get to that part of the training eventually.

I veered off path when we came to a fork. I heard the men stop and bicker over whether or not they should split up, since there was only one mabari, but they chose to stay on Mamae's tail instead of mine. I wanted to slow down, but Mamae had always demanded that when she told me to do something, I did it when she told me, not an hour later.

Daden wasn't there when I got home, so I took a shower, changed, and set food on the hearth fire that would soon be going almost continuously now that winter was approaching. Daden came home when dusk burned the horizon, but not fifteen minutes later two men came into the Alienage – two men with a mabari. I could smell blood… elven blood… oh, no… I recognized the scent of that blood.

They dumped Mamae in the town center. "This elf had a dagger, so she died on it. There was another, and while they got away, this message is for them: next time, this will be you."

They walked away, the mabari barking furiously. I ran out and Daden didn't even try to stop me. I cried like a little girl in that square, hugging the corpse of my mother, my Mamae, and cursing myself for doing what I was told. I even pointed it out myself before she told me to scram. She wasn't as young as she was when we started.

Before then, I had looked at training like it was a game of sorts. Now, it was so much more than a game. Mamae had died for it.

Soris, Shianni, and Daden convinced me to go back in the house while Valendrian took Mamae's body to clean and consecrate, to make holy for the Maker. I don't remember Shianni undressing me, but I do remember her forcing me to take another shower, draining the water in the reservoir. She dried my hair and braided it without thinking, because when I looked in old pot that served as a mirror, I saw she had given me the hairstyle of an adult elven woman.

I now had the hair of Mamae. My vibrant red had turned burnt orange with time, and the braids were almost like the ones Mamae wore every day. I burst out crying, and Shianni, realizing what she had done, pulled me into her arms while she undid my hair. I cursed myself for leaving Mamae, Shianni cursed her own insensitiveness, and the entire community heard the crying and cursing of two young women and cursed the humans.

The next day was the funeral, and while both Daden and I went, neither of us said anything. Valendrian gave the final words, and everyone else sang songs to lift her spirit up to the Maker, but we remained silent. Everyone in the community knew of how Mamae had been Dalish before she came to the city – her maiden name had been Varathorn – so they chalked it up to her feeling restless in the Alienage, surrounded by buildings and people instead of trees and animals. Daden and I both knew why, but when I looked at him, he looked away. That hurt.

I went to bed that night without having spoken to my day all day – first in our family. The next morning I assumed Mamae's role in our family – I got up before Daden, made breakfast, and cleaned some of the house while waiting for Daden to get up and breakfast to cook. We ate in silence, and I had to choke down every bite. That afternoon the families around us started to bring things that would help us get through the mourning period. There was a meal here, a piece of clothing there, a new blanket somewhere in the pile, and a hundred other assorted items.

The days blurred in the time I didn't speak with Daden. I did the housework and everything else I could do indoors, which meant that a lot of the little things got cleaned, repaired, and rearranged. Eventually, though, even the food that was given to us ran out, and I had to speak to Daden.

"We'll need to go to market soon." No terms of affection, just a statement.

"How soon?"

"Two days would be good, but we can go in four if needed," I replied. My father mulled the idea over a bit.

"Two days."

I cleared the table and Daden left for work. Being in the market meant that Daden and I might finally talk and get it all out in the open. The two days went by slowly, but during that time I collected my thoughts. I'd tell my father exactly what he wanted to know – about everything, including how Mamae died and not ending with the training I got with her. Daden had never really received any information about what we were doing, just the bare minimum. The unshared information was a poison between us now.


	2. Chapter 2

The day I was to come over to market, Shianni came over. The moment she came in the door, she gave me a giant hug. I stood there frozen.

"You've been holding together great, cuz. It's got to be hell in here without your father speaking to you. The entire community's concerned, but Valendrian allowed me to come here first."

My gaze narrowed. "We're grieving, Shianni. It's as simple as that. Neither of us could have ever have been ready for something like this, and so we're not sure how to treat each other without blowing the other person's head off."

What I said must have had some force, because Shianni stepped back. "Relax… I just don't want to see you hurt. You've always acted so much older than me that seeing you like this feels wrong, okay? I'm just looking out for you. I've never seen anyone react this way… not when the Suranas lost the dad, not when Valendrian lost his daughter, and not when Soris and I lost Daden! It spooked me, okay? I got worried!"

I blinked, and tried to collect my thoughts. The sentiment was really sweet, especially since Shianni wasn't really one for words. Finally I pieced my thoughts together. "Yeah, but it doesn't matter much now. Today's market day, and I need to make sure that I don't forget something – which will require talking to him."

Shianni grinned. "Just so you two talk, that's all I care about right now. Hey, did you hear about Wildin? He took off for the Dalish yesterday."

Gossip was an easy distraction, and it worked. "No, really?"

"Yeah, and his mama's been half sick with worry, but she says it was for the best. Says her little boy going to the Dalish, and when he gets into the clan, he'll send for the family."

"Did he forget that the Dalish might not even be in Ferelden right now?"

"It looks that way."

I heard Daden's heavier than usual steps, and while it was clear that he wasn't as large or as tall as a human, he was carrying something pretty big. Shianni took her leave, and she ran into Daden on the way out.

"Hello Uncle Cyrus. What do you got there?"

Once of these days I was going to have to speak to Shianni about her grammar.

"Oh, I see. It's a surprise for Kallian, then. I won't tel—whoops. Bye, Uncle Cyrion!"

I chuckled softly as my uncle came through the door. Shianni had pulled that trick on many people. Daden closed the door behind him and put the sack on the ground. I opened the sack and peered into it, only to gasp softly. It was our equipment – Mamae's and mine. I thought it would have been confiscated by the Templars. I sorted through the various daggers, bows, and potions, and discovered two other weapons – shiny, iron Dar Misus, things of beauty to me. They were Mamae's first daggers, and in our training she'd often told me about times where she'd brought an enemy down with at most two strikes. Inside the bag there was also a set of leather armor, and while it looked well worn, it was in good condition. I went into my bedroom to change and found that while it fit in most places, it was still a little big in some areas. I took it off and hid it in my bedroom, and when I got outside, Daden was waiting.

"Thank you so much."

I felt like a child just standing there and hugging him, silent tears streaming down my face, but it didn't matter then. We needed it. After a minute we left the house and went to the market, and I found out he wasn't angry at me and that he recognized the fact that Mamae had made her own choices, but that he was angry at himself for not being able to defend her. It lifted the heaviness that had strained our relationship.

"I've thought long and hard about this, and I don't want to know what your mother was teaching you when the Templars found you two in the woods, or wherever she was teaching you. I want to know what happened after the Templars found you two… I want to know what happened before she died."

My father's voice was broken at first, but it gained strength. I took my strength from his voice, simply because I didn't really have any of my own. "We ran… pure and simple, we ran. Mamae and I used a trick she'd shown me about a year ago, but they had a mabari and the trick didn't work on the dog. The Templars weren't all that smart, but the mabari was brilliant and we couldn't shake him, not even with the best tricks, and we couldn't get far enough ahead to be able to either get away or set a trap. Mamae and I tried to tire them out, but it wasn't working when Mamae and I hit the fork in the path. Mamae told me to split, so I did. That's all I saw, I swear it."

Daden held me for a moment while he mulled it over. "So, there weren't any last words, any dying messages?"

"Mamae was too practical for that, Daden. If she wanted to tell us anything, she said it."

"Yes, you're right. I should have known, but I was clinging on to the hope that she had some brilliant flash of wisdom before you two separated. I see now that isn't the case." Daden ran his head through his hair, and I noted how tired he looked. "You did the right thing, Kallian. It would have devastated her if anything happened to you."

I balked at that. "What about us? Seeing her body dumped on the ground by two Templars wasn't exactly sunshine and rainbows!"

"I know… but for now, let's get the things we need. Did you prepare a list, or is it in your head?"

"I wrote it down…" I said, as I rummaged through my pockets. The conversation change was a relief, and I got the list out. "I think I know who to get these from, but I didn't know if you needed anything."

"I've got a few places to visit myself – I need some new tools – but it shouldn't take too long. You saw your mother barter enough times to pick up how to, right?"

I nodded.

Daden reached for the money purse and handed me a few gold sovereigns. "Don't spend it all if you can avoid it, but go for the highest quality you can get."

I smiled, but being handed those gold coins was at that time the most money I'd ever seen in one place. It was nerve racking to hold them, and I clutched them tightly. The mere thought that I could lose one set me on edge, and I was suspicious of anyone around me who might try to take them from me.

Eventually I realized that I'd have to spend them in order to actually buy food, clothing, and a few other things the house needed. A familiar vendor was close by, and he sold the meat that would become tonight's dinner. The vegetables that my family didn't have the window space to grow were bought as well, and cloth was bought to make new sheets. An Orlesian man sang in the middle of the square, and while it sounded beautiful, I had no idea what it was about.

I saw Daden over by the dwarf that sold metal, and I ran over. I still had a sovereign, six silvers and ten coppers from the money he gave me at the beginning, and Daden hugged me when he saw how much I had left. He took the sovereign and six, but left me the coppers.

"Go get yourself copper taffies for the week," he said with a wink," as a special treat."

I went to the candy stand, but the lady only had five taffies left. The five extra coppers felt weird in my pocket, and when I went to give them gave to Daden, he told me to keep them safely tucked away somewhere in case the worst should happen.

I sewed them into the sheets that I made during the daylight the week after that market.

That became a routine for us, except for the extra money. I'd usually have a couple of extra coppers that would get sewn into odd corners, but every day I would go to market to buy the meat or the fish that would become the night's dinner. I got most of my stuff from the Alienage store, where Soris got me a discount of sorts, but now my days were filled with the tasks that Mamae used to do effortlessly. My first shirt without her guidance came out looking like it had recently eaten something sour, and we ate stew more times than I cared to admit.

At fifteen, I started to prepare for my test to become an adult member of our community. I'd come of age when I was sixteen, and for girls, we had to prove that we could run a household and perform some task useful to the community should we fall on hard times. It didn't need to be a defined trade, just a way that we could earn money for ourselves. The most common thing was some sort of service like spinning thread or weaving cloth – the only thing you could not enter was anything that had to do with becoming a prostitute. I chose creating potions, but I had to request that traders coming into the city seek the ingredients out, since there wasn't a real way for me to get any on my own. I found a few sprigs of elfroot sprinkled around the city, but it was never enough for continuous practice.

It was also at fifteen that the human men started noticing me. Between market day and the special orders that I had standing from every trader in the city, I had to go out of the Alienage a lot. It started with whistles and rude comments from the lowest and most vulgar of the men, but it quickly escalated as my body developed. More than one trader lost my business, and soon I was trading almost exclusively with the Dalish elves and the few female merchants. I was at a loss to explain why I was suddenly the target of the roaming eyes and dirty minds, and the touches and comments got to me. It came to me one night when sleep didn't like me.

It was because I was lower than them. Not just socially, but in terms of sheer physical power as well. Any elf would have a hard time out lifting a human man in good condition, and a fully grown human was always taller than an elf. In a fight where only strength came into play, the humans had the obvious advantage. It got even worse with authority – there wasn't a single elven Templar or City Guard, nor were there any humans that the entire elven community could go to in time of need. No one would listen to the complaints of an elf. The elf was even by law the one to blame if there was a fight. That was what the City Guards had told us time and time again, at least. I wasn't sure if they could be believed, but they certainly acted like it was.

In short, I could be taken advantage of because I couldn't do anything about it. I remembered what my mother had said about the Alienage being a personal brothel for the nobles. Soon every human who stepped foot into the Alienage was suspect. I later saw that I had plenty of reason.

Shianni was walking with me to the market to show me new wares that the dwarven merchant had when the Arl came stumbling through the marketplace. He was obviously drunk, but he wasn't so smashed that he had lost control of limbs or speech. His councilors were walking a few paces behind him, begging him to go home to his castle, but the Arl was a mean drunk, and no one really wanted to get too close to him.

He singled us out as the only elves in the marketplace and proceeded to shamble towards Shianni. She backed up at first, and I gave the noble a good amount of distance, but I'm not sure it would have made any distance. Shianni kept backing up until she got bumped into the table full of the dwarf's goods, and my fingers itched for the feel of my mother's blades, or even a simple wooden bow. I could see what the Arl wanted, and so could everyone else, including Shianni.

"My lord… please, my lord, get away from me…"

"Nonsense," he slurred, and he got close enough that he could – and did – grab her. From her slight gasp, it was a firm grip.

Shianni dropped all social graces she might have ever had and resorted to all out pushing him away from her, which didn't work. I groaned – Mamae had always warned me that drunks were wild cards in a fight – and the Arl started to shake Shianni quite violently.

"I don't care who your father is, you're my wife! Now do your duty or I'll tell everyone that Vaughan isn't mine!"

I blinked at the information, but my focus was back on Shianni in a second. The Arl had her collar in one hand and the hem in another in an attempt to pull it over her head. I snarled in reflex, and Shianni started kicking and screaming in his face. I ran over to try and pry the Arl off my cousin, but in a second he had both dropped Shianni with a punch and pulled his sword at me.

"Cousland! Get over here and fight me like a real man!"

I ignored the challenge and focused on both the blade and helping Shianni up. It wasn't an easy task, but Shianni got to her feet quickly and the blade was shaking far too much for my liking. The Arl tried to come after us, but once Shianni was up and the displays were out of our way there was nothing and nobody that would stop us from getting into the Alienage.

"Cousin…" Shianni panted, "let's never do that again, okay?"

"If we have a choice, than no, I say that situation never happens again," I responded. I wasn't very winded from the running, but the entire situation had made me tense. "That was horrible. Can't he get drunk inside his mansion and leave the rest of us alone?"

"Stupid shemlen," Shianni agreed. "The entire mess makes me just want to take a bath. Can I use your shower?"

"Sure, but we still haven't found a way to heat it yet. It rained a couple of nights ago, so there should be water in the tank."

Shianni smiled as she walked towards my house, and I didn't even bother reminding her that she didn't have any extra clothes on her. We were about the same size, even if she was a little taller than I was at the moment. I watched Shianni turn the corner, and I realized that I'd missed something in her face. She was angry.

I didn't blame her.

Shianni didn't tell anyone, not even Soris, but the story flew. The Arl did have elves in his castle after all. The shirt showed the popped seams and the stretched material, and every single body in the square had seen the Arl's advances. The story died down after a week or so for Shianni (mainly because of how she threatened everyone who repeated the story within her earshot), but it never did for the Arl's son, a man who was a Bann in because of certain political ties he had. His bannorn relied on the fact that he knew who his father was, and the thought that the Bann's power could be taken away scared him. A scared man in power can be a very dangerous thing – especially when that scared man grew up as a spoiled noble in Denerim. I kept my eye out for him everywhere I went for a while after the incident, but when the Bann showed no interest in mingling with us 'knife ears' after a month, I let my guard drop.

I experimented with the potions ingredients at times when I had some leftover, and found that I had a natural gift for poisons. I sold a few as pesticides and herbicides, and when Valendrian fond out, he declared that to be my talent instead of potions making. Who knew that there was a bug affecting the crops growing just outside Denerim? I passed the test with honors.

Now that I was a member of the community, a husband would be the next thing I'd have to find. A husband would 'protect' me from the stares and touches of human men in theory. Marrying inside the community was something of forbidden since it was so small. Only one or maybe even two couples got married each year, and maybe once every five years one of those couples was with two Denerim elves. Marriage from people outside the community was more than bloodlines, though. It brought new life and new culture into the Alienage, and new gossip. Even when elves left the community it was still something of an occasion to celebrate.

My father began to search for a good match for me, and he didn't have to look far. In Highever, a male elf had just put himself out as willing to marry because of family difficulties – he had been primary caretaker of his little sister, and she had just married, which meant that he was able to think about his own future. His name was Nelaros, and he was willing to come here.

That was good, since I wasn't willing to leave.


	3. Chapter 3

Letters were exchanged between him and my father, and while my father (I had stopped thinking of him as 'Daden' some time before) encouraged me to write to Nelaros, I never did. Writing to him would make the marriage plans real, and for now I liked them to not be solid – for my future to be a mystery, able to go in any way I pleased.

I helped Shianni pass her rite into adulthood – we were only born a couple of months apart – and occupied myself by finishing up projects that needed to be done. I made garments for myself and others, I did the household chores while my father was at work, and I even worked on my dowry, telling myself it was for a possible future, not one that was set in stone. I kept Shianni from going crazy and actually got her to sit down and do some needlework sometimes (even though she did **not **have the patience required).

It was harder to keep telling myself that the future wasn't set in stone, however, when my aunt started coming over to take my measurements.

I had never been close to Aunt Mirabelle, even though she was Shianni's and Soris' mom. It wasn't that she was awful or anything. She was just there. She came over one day, measuring tape and patterns in tow, and it was then that I really stopped thinking that the marriage wouldn't really happen. I numbly chose a beautiful gold and silver piece, and my aunt took me into the bedroom and stripped me. She had dragged Shianni along with her as a helper, but Shianni averted her eyes.

"Kallian Tabris!" my aunt exclaimed. She was staring at a scar I had gotten back when Mamae and I had been using live blades. We didn't have any healing potions on us or any ingredients to make any, so she cleaned the wound and bandaged it. It had scarred in time, but the scar wasn't very big or very noticeable. Aunt Mirabelle had found it anyway. "What caused this?"

"I fell one time while I was playing as a little girl, that's all." Shianni knew I was lying, and she gave me a look that told me so, but she didn't say anything.

"You were too reckless as a little girl. I'm glad that you've settled down – Shianni could learn a thing or two about that."

I rolled my eyes when she wasn't looking, and eventually my aunt and Shianni left. I knew Shianni would be back as soon as she could, but for now I'd have a bit of time all to myself where I could process the fact that my marriage was two months away. It was two months away.

Nope, still wasn't processing.

I paced around the room, running my hands through my hair. It didn't seem real, I didn't feel older, wiser, or anything else people had said I would feel by this time in my life. I felt like myself, just more confused and harried than usual.

The two months sped up as people got me ready for the big day. It turned out that the two elves that would join our community – both from Highever – had left together and would be arriving the same day. One was to be Soris' bride; the other was my future husband. Soris and I started enjoying as much time together as possible – mainly for our nerves, but there was a second, underlying reason to it. It was to reassure us that there was someone else who was traveling the same journey that we were. Someone who wasn't just reassuring us that everything was okay, and who knew what it felt like to have a growing urge to puke as the time grew shorter.

Finally, the big day arrived. I was awoken by Shianni, and I got my wedding clothes on just after she told me that my fiancé had arrived early. To our luck most of the food was already made and the decorations were already in place. I found Soris and talked to him before I met Nelaros, but I also found out exactly what kind of man Bann Vaughan was, and who his friends were. They were looking for 'fun' in the loosest sense of the word, and Shianni's pot at Vaughan's head didn't help his already horrible opinion of us. When the humans came, I had felt nervous. When they left, I wasn't feeling much better. And I was really regretting letting Daden take my weapons for the day. At least Mamae's boots were comfy.

Another human walked into the Alienage not long after Vaughan left, and he was armed. I was wary of him immediately, but today was my wedding day. I wanted peace, not someone to end up in pieces.

His name was Duncan, and he knew my mother. That shocked me more than anything else could (except for him calling her by her first name, Adaia. That was pretty weird), and he told me about an organization known as the 'Grey Wardens', and how he was going to recruit me before he found out I was to be married. A small, selfish part of me screamed inside how I should take the offer, ditch Nelaros, and leave the confines of the Alienage for the rest of my life.

But that would be horrible to Nelaros…

Here's a secret that I don't even like admitting to myself. I was falling in love with the idea of being a wife at that point. Nelaros would treat me with all the kindness, compassion, and tenderness I'd ever need, and given time, I could see myself falling in love with him. Daden had chosen well for me.

I parted ways with Duncan, and we got the ceremonies off to a start. I was standing up there with Soris, Nelaros, and Soris' bride (was her name Valora? I'd forgotten by that point. She really did speak like a mouse.), and the wedding was taking place. I was going to have a nice, quiet life, and I wouldn't need my skills again until I had children of my own and I was teaching them self defense. Of course, the healing potions and salves might come in handy…

Just as I allowed myself to go into dream world, Vaughan came back. He came back with the same intent as before, but angrier. The same people were with him, and this time they all meant business. I didn't have a chance to defend myself or the others without my weapons, and even with them I would have been hard pressed to go up against at least five angry men all by myself with two iron daggers.

That didn't matter then, though, because I was knocked out. Apparently, even when being lecherous good for nothing shems they still knew exactly who the threat would come from.

I woke up about four minutes later in a room with the other women who were both young and at the wedding. One was praying incessantly and being a general nuisance while doing it, and one, Shianni, was making sure I was okay. Four minutes was in the okay zone as long as I could get a healing potion soon, but Shianni was scared to death. I hated seeing her like that, and the other women were just as terrified as me (even if they showed it in different ways), but soon it got worse.

The guards came in, and apparently they saw absolutely nothing wrong with abducting young women with the intent to rape them in the very near future. They killed a bridesmaid and dragged us out of the room one by one, starting with Shianni and going until only I was left. I was mad as hell. Shianni had been my best friend and closest companion after Neria got taken away, and while I'd never told her what Mamae and I had done while I was growing up, she knew that I could fight, and fight well at that. The death of the bridesmaid only strengthened the need to make these human scum suckers regret the day they were born.

Soris came busting in just before the guards could grab me, and he passed a borrowed longsword my way. The guards realized that I was now the threat, and while one said something like 'Oh, sod,' before he charged me, I couldn't find any room in my heart to feel sorry for them while I was removing their head from their shoulders from behind. Soris filled me in about where he got the longsword, and told me that Nelaros would be coming along shortly.

We went through the kitchens and changed our clothes into armor we'd looted off the guards, and cleaned ourselves off. There wasn't any need to have the entire castle after us while we were trying to rescue Shianni and the others, and more fights would just result in lost time and a greater chance of someone being raped or somebody else dying. We took the brandy and the poison, and acted like we were servants. The poisoned drink was enough to make sure they wouldn't be coming after us anytime soon.

There were a lot of guards and mabari in the hallway, and we checked in every room for any sign of where Vaughan might have taken everyone. We picked up more armor and I got that healing potion I needed, which took away the headache that came from being knocked out. It took a long time, but Soris and I finally made it to the end of that hallway.

I gasped when I saw Nelaros' body crumpled on the ground, bleeding everywhere…

The Guard Captain had the same chance as his men: none at all.

When the fight was over, I went over to Nelaros' body, only to find it cooling quickly. He had been dead for a couple of minutes before I had gotten there, and there hadn't been a thing that I could have done for the man who was to become **my** protector.

I closed his eyes and straightened him out. A ring fell out of his enclosed fist, a silver ring. I picked it up and put it on – it was to be my ring, it was the ring he was holding out before the ceremony got interrupted. I wanted to stay longer, but now I needed to focus on the ones I could help.

The fighting there after was very bloody and very short. I wasn't concerned with style or doing things how Mamae taught me and the only things I looted were better armor, weapons, health potions, and money. Nothing else mattered. I had to get to my friends. I couldn't let them suffer the same fate as Nelaros.

I finally got to Vaughan, and he was smarter than all of his guards and their captains, but not by much. He attempted to bribe me. He was going to rape me, his Guard Captain had killed the one man who could reasonably promise me his future, and I could hear Shianni's soft, broken sobs. They echoed off the stone walls of the fortress.

I could guess why she was crying.

He could guess that I was never going to let him live.

He died fighting, if that was worth anything. I spat on him and composed myself before I went to Shianni.

Seeing her that way, torn up and crying, it just about killed me. I hadn't seen Shianni cry since her father died, and that was when we were six. She needed me, and I just held her while she cried. The other two women had sense enough to keep their mouths shut, and all four of us headed back to the Alienage. Soris and I got changed into clean clothes, and Shianni did as well. The way back nobody spoke, but everyone stayed close to Soris and I the entire time.

When we got inside the Alienage, everyone in the town square breathed a sigh of relief. The girl's family, the girl who had been murdered in front of all of us, screamed in unison when they figured out why she wasn't with us, and Shianni ran back to her parents. Soris was comforting Valora, and the second girl – Elva, I think – went off with her family. Valendrian approached me, and he had pity in his eyes. He had figured out why Nelaros wasn't with me.

I wasn't in the mood for pity. I could cry later. My head wasn't yet clear from fighting, though my senses were sharp. Everything was so clear it was fuzzy…

Valendrian and Duncan were both there, waiting for me. I took the rap alone and got conscripted into the Grey Wardens, that organization that Duncan had been telling me about before all this really happened. I said my goodbyes to my father, to Soris, and to Shianni – who tearfully told me she'd be okay, and made me hate having to leave her for a second – and then I left the Alienage. I left it without a husband, as a part of the Grey Wardens, and likely I would never be going back to the place I once called home.

I was utterly miserable.

That first night that we camped out in was awkward. Duncan got a tent for me out of the Warden's storage area in Denerim as well as a few other supplies, and he told me that we were going off to Ostagar. Having never been more than a mile outside of Denerim's walls, I needed to be shown a map.

Duncan took watch all night the first night and he was about to take it the second night as well before we actually exchanged more than a few words.

"You're nuts if you think that you'll take watch a second night. Don't you need to sleep like most other living creatures?"

"I've been in the Grey Wardens for many years. Taking night watch is one of the easier things that we do," he said with a smile. That slightly worried me – I still didn't know what the Wardens **did** – but I kept at it.

"But aren't you tired? At least two days filled with travel, and a night of no sleep? That has to be hard on any system, even a Grey Warden's."

He looked thoughtful for a second, and then got his sword out. "If you can beat me, it will prove my senses are dulled and that I need to sleep. If not, I'll take watch. Does that sound fair?"

Part of me recognized this as a test for him to personally see my abilities (since, for all he knew, Soris could have done most of the work, with me just looting the bodies or something), but I rose to the challenge. The intelligent part of me screamed that this man probably had been fighting longer than I had been alive, but it didn't matter. I could do this.

I pulled my blades out of my pack, and slipped on the leather armor I'd taken from the guards at the castle. When I got out of my tent, Duncan attacked. It was so sudden that I only had time to block his attack before it came crashing down against me.

He immediately swung into his next attack, and I kept myself out of his sword's reach. He had a shield on him as well, and I was pretty sure that it wasn't just for defense because of the specks of dried blood that clung to it – among other things. For my daggers to truly be effective, I'd need to either throw them through the eyeholes in his helmet or get behind him to pull a backstab. I didn't want to put him out of commission permanently, and I rather liked keeping my weapons on me – so throwing was out. Getting behind him, however, might prove difficult, even if I did adjust the backstab to be nonlethal.

I knew a little of stealth, so I tried it. Unfortunately, his senses were excellent – especially for a sleep deprived human. He caught me before I'd gone very far. I tried to get his sides, but he was too good for that. He backed me into a corner and disarmed me quicker than I thought possible for a man with a very heavy set of armor, a heavier sword, and a shield that was around half my size. Easily.

He held his sword at my throat for five seconds, and I could feel the tip of the blade against my jugular. He finally lowered it, but didn't give me back the daggers I'd picked up at the castle along with all of my other battle supplies.

"These would be better for you if the blades were balanced, but the castle smithy is a poor one. Get yourself better ones as soon as we get to Ostagar, and the same goes for the armor you're wearing. It leaves you very vulnerable in many places. While improvising is something you may have to do a lot of as a Grey Warden, use the best you can get your hands on – not the flashiest, the best. That being said, your style, while it could be improved on, is very good for one who most likely hasn't had a sparring partner to practice with since her mother died, correct?"

I liked how he just assumed Mamae had been the person to teach me. Then again, if he knew Mamae and was going to recruit her some time ago, he most likely knew her style and saw it in my attempt at holding my own with him.

He handed me back my daggers, and I went back to my tent with two things in mind – 1) I wasn't as good as I thought I was, and 2) those guards were even more pathetic than I had thought they were.

The pout on my face as I went to bed was not at all childish. It wasn't childish in the least.

We got to Ostagar, and the guards knew Duncan pretty well – well enough, at least, to identify him a long way off.


	4. Chapter 4

"…The Tevinter Imperium built Ostagar long ago to prevent the Wilders from invading the northern lowlands. It's fitting we make our stand here, even if we face a different foe within that forest. The king's forces have clashed with the darkspawn several times, but here is where the bulk of the horde will show itself. There are only a few Grey Wardens within Ferelden at the moment, but all of us are here. This Blight must stop here and now. If it spreads to the north, Ferelden will fall."

"Ho there, Duncan!"

I saw the King before I heard him. His armor was the exact opposite of mine – shiny, large, and most likely heavy – with a sword to match.

Duncan looked vaguely surprised, and that in turn surprised me. "King Cailan? I didn't expect—"

"—a royal welcome? I was beginning to worry you'd miss all the fun!"

"Not if I could help it, your Majesty."

Cailan looked overjoyed – in fact, most of his features suggested that he was still not much more than a human in his early twenties. "Then I'll have the mighty Duncan at my side at my side in battle after all! Glorious! The other Wardens told me that you've found a promising recruit. I take it this is she?"

Duncan turned to me. "Allow me to introduce you, your Majesty."

"No need to be so formal, Duncan. We'll be shedding blood together, after all. Ho there, friend! Might I know your name?"

I remembered the manners my mother had spent many precious hours instilling into me. "I am Kallian, your Majesty."

"Pleased to meet you!" the King responded. "The Grey Wardens are desperate to bolster their numbers, and I, for one, am glad to help them. I see you're an elf, friend. From where do you hail?"

Manners or not this guy was going to get a Captain Obvious award if he kept up his line of questioning. "The city of Denerim."

"As do I! Though I've not been in the palace in some time. Do you come from the Alienage? Tell me, how is it there? My guards all but forbid me from going there."

It was bound to come out sooner or later. I looked him straight in the eye. "I killed an Arl's son for raping my friend."

The look on his face, quite frankly, was priceless. "You… what?"

Duncan came to my rescue quite quickly. "Your Majesty, I would not have put it so bluntly. There are events in Denerim that you should be aware of."

Cailan nodded gravely. "So it seems. I will hear more about this matter later. For now, we have a war to attend to."

The King turned back to me, his voice less enthusiastic. "Allow me to be the first one to welcome you to Ostagar. The Wardens will benefit greatly with you in their ranks."

"You're too kind, your Majesty," I returned, letting the manners slip back into place.

"I'm sorry to cut this short, but I should return to my tent. Loghain waits eagerly to bore me with his strategies."

Duncan caught the King's attention once again. "Your Uncle sends his greetings and reminds you that Redcliffe forces could be here in less than a week."

"Ha! Eamon just wants in on the glory. We've won three battles against these monsters and tomorrow should be no different."

I cut in then. "I didn't realize that things were going so well."

"I'm not even sure that this is a true Blight. There are plenty of darkspawn on the field, but alas, we've seen no sign of an Archdemon."

Duncan picked up my thoughts. "Disappointed, your Majesty?"

Cailan huffed. "I'd hoped for a war like in the tales! A king riding with the fabled Grey Wardens against a tainted god! But I suppose this will have to do. I must go before Loghain sends out a search party. Farewell, Grey Wardens!"

Duncan turned to me once the King had left. "What the king said is true. They've won several battles against the darkspawn here."

There was a 'but' hanging in the air. "Yet you don't sound very reassured."

He continued. "Despite the victories so far, the darkspawn horde grows larger with each passing day. By now, they look to outnumber us. I **know** there is an archdemon behind this. But I cannot ask the king to act solely on my feeling."

I glanced at Duncan. "Then maybe we should move quickly."

"Yes. We should proceed with the ritual."

"What do you need me to do?" I asked. I wanted to prove myself after the beating I had taken from Duncan.

"Feel free to explore the camp as you wish. All I ask is that you do not leave it for the time being. There is another Grey Warden in the camp – by the name of Alistair. When you are ready, seek him out and tell him it's time to summon the other recruits," he stopped. "Until then, I have business I must attend to. You may find me at the Grey Warden tent on the other side of this bridge, should you need to."

Duncan turned and left, and I followed him across the bridge a few seconds behind. The bridge didn't look very stable, but if a human man weighing at least two of me with his armor, equipment, and himself, I could too.

A guard on the other side saw I looked a little lost. "This side is the King's camp. We have the Grey Wardens here, the Circle of Magi, the Chantry… you can't swing a dead cat without hitting someone important."

Ignoring why I'd be swinging a dead cat around anyhow, I decided to find out some more about the mages. "The Circle of Magi is here?"

"A few mages, yes. They even brought those creepy quiet fellows, the Tranquil. Gives me the shivers when they talk, all cold and even. They're to the north of here, bunched up with a herd of Templars glaring at them. Can't miss it."

I hoped that Neria was there. "I'll be on my way."

"Good luck to you, then," the guard said.

I wandered around the camp for awhile so that I could get to know the surroundings, and I did replace my equipment after a rude encounter with the store clerk. The daggers I bought were of better balance than the previous blades I had, but not by much. I regretted leaving my mother's daggers behind, as well as her equipment, but I hadn't thought to pack while Shianni was in my room crying and promising that she'd be okay.

The thought of that day left me in a dark mood until I stumbled upon an elderly appearing woman with the most bizarre clothes I'd ever seen. I realized I'd been steadily heading north since I'd gotten the new equipment, and while I didn't see Neria around, it couldn't hurt to ask.

"Greetings to you, young lady. You are Duncan's newest recruit, are you not? He is not a man easily impressed. You should be proud. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Wynne, one of the mages summoned by the king."

"Kallian of Denerim, pleased to meet you," I returned. By now I was getting used to the idea that everyone would know more about me than I knew of them.

Wynne smiled. "Well met, and good luck on the battlefield to you. To us all, in fact."

She was a mage… "Would you know Neria Surana?"

"She's one of my best students, if a just a little shy. That's a common problem with the apprentices who have lived at the Circle since they were children. How do you know her?"

"I was her best friend when we lived by each other in the Denerim Alienage, and she was mine. I wrote to her for a while after she was taken, but when I was around ten she stopped writing very often, and by eleven she barely wrote at all. Her last letter was about three years ago."

"She was able to get letters out of the Circle?" Wynne said with a little bit of wonder. It felt like my comments confirmed a mystery she'd been pursuing.

I realized I may have said too much – and if I had, I was very glad that Neria was not at the battlefield with Wynne. I might have gotten turned into one of her icicles that she was so popular for back when she was in the Denerim Alienage. Good thing I didn't mention the dolls that got smuggled in…

She saw the look on my face and laughed. "No, I'm not out to get her in trouble. It is just exceedingly hard for letters to get out without the Templars redacting 90% of what's in there. If anything, I'm a little proud of her. She had passed her test to become a full mage before I left."

I didn't really know what that meant, but it sounded like a good thing. "After the battle, if you see her again… tell her I said hi."

"I will, Kallian of Denerim."

She spoke of the king and the darkspawn – horrible things I'd only heard about from Duncan on the way here and the occasional Chantry sister– and a 'Fade', which sounded like an actual lala land. I took my leave after that as we'd run out of things to talk about and wandered over to the place they held the mabaris at. I didn't like being over there, but I heard the trainer say something about losing a promising member of the breed.

He turned and looked at me. "Are you the new Warden? I could use some help."

"I don't know anything about dogs," I replied. I wanted to inch away from the dogs – bad memories and all – but the trainer went on.

"This dog's a mabari. Smart dog and strong breed. His owner died in the last battle, and the poor hound swallowed darkspawn blood. I have medicine that might help, but I need him muzzled first."

"Why do you think I could muzzle him?" I asked. I looked at the poor mutt, and from what I could see he was in a bad way.

"You're a Grey Warden, or soon will be. All Wardens are immune to the darkspawn taint," the man explained. "The most you have to worry about is some tooth marks."

One mabari hound now wasn't responsible for tracking down my mother in the past, and this hound might not even be related to the ones in the kennels at Denerim – who, now that I looked back, were simply following training and trying to put down unfriendly visitors in the castle. And as much as I disliked my prior interactions with mabari, it didn't mean I wished any sort of agony on them. "I'll give it a shot."

"Go in the pen and let him smell you. We'll know right away if he'll respond." Once I put my pack on the ground and got ready to go in, he added, "Let's hope this works. I would really hate to have to put him down."

I got in and approached the mabari in question. He relaxed his stance, and I could see that he was smarter than some of the people I'd grown up around. He was also very sick. It was so weird, but when he looked up at me, I got the sense that the dog wasn't looking at me, he was looking into me. This mabari was different than the other for some reason, and while I knew that I'd never like dogs as a whole – maybe, just maybe, I could like this one.

I muzzled him, and the trainer smiled. "Glad to see that. I wasn't sure if it was possible or not. There's one last thing – if you're in the forest anytime soon, there's a flower in there that could make the process a lot easier on the dog. Without the flower, the chances of him making it aren't all that great."

"I don't know if I'll be in the forest anytime soon, but I'll keep my eye open just in case." I didn't want to promise anything, but I couldn't forget how that dog looked into me.

"That's all I can ask. Thank you for what you've done already."

I walked around a little more and found myself near the King's tent. A guard stood outside in more practical armor than I had seen on his liege.

"Greetings. King Cailan is not in his tent right now."

I had been told often by the traders that I could be very persuasive, and now it was time to see if they were just blowing smoke. "Tell me about the king. You must see him a lot."

The guard looked uncomfortable. "I suppose I do, but the King spends most of his time with the Grey Wardens. He rides with them wherever they go, in fact. Teyrn Loghain sees the King whenever he can and argues with him over coming battles, but the King just waves him off. The King wants to end the Blight with a single huge battle the bards will sing of for centuries. Do you think it's possible?"

I didn't want to say too much because of how little I knew, but Duncan's attitude and general tone gave me enough to say "I have my doubts."

"That's how the Teyrn feels. He'll do what the King wants in the end, though. The King thought it was funny the Teyrn called him reckless. And they fought about the Queen."

That struck me as an odd topic to fight about on a battlefield. "The Queen?"

The guard misinterpreted my question. "To the Teyrn's daughter, no less. He wasn't happy about something she did or the King did… I'm not sure. I probably shouldn't discuss it."

I could sense that this was the end of the conversation. "I should go."

The guard nodded, and said "As you wish."

I walked away and saw a group of men all together. They were in what appeared to be leather armor, and they were all well armed – as opposed to the normal army, who wore traditionally metal armor, and had arms of various skill. Mabaris sniffed around beside them, and I walked over to see who they were.

"Maker's breath – another elf. What do you want?"

I wanted him to not sound so judgmental, but I settle on something I could ask. "I wanted to talk; that's all."

"Make it quick," he snapped. "We're busy."

"You don't look like the other soldiers in the army."

"We aren't. We are Ash Warriors." He said this with a little bit of pride mixed in his impatience.

"What is an Ash Warrior?" The tales in the Alienage were primarily of human heroes, but I'd never heard of these men.

"Our training has been passed down since Luthias the Dwarfson first harnessed the battle-rage of the dwarves. It is an old tale."

He looked like he really wanted to go somewhere else, but he couldn't get off that easily. "So what does an Ash Warrior do?"

"We harness the rage inside us, nurture it, and draw it out so we cannot fall in battle until our last foe is slain. It is a dwarven discipline, but we have adapted it to let us fight alongside our hounds. That is our way; I trust my hound with my life, as he trusts me with his."

The mabari earlier had gotten me curious as to what mabaris could do in the field of battle. "Is a dog that good in combat?"

He smirked. "A trained mabari hound is as dangerous as any sword. We do not speak of a city pet or those things that sit in an old woman's lap."

Other men were around polishing their armor and testing their equipment. "What are you preparing for?"

"To scout the Wilds and watch the progression of the darkspawn horde," he stated. "With luck, we'll find and slaughter many stragglers. The hunt will be good if my hound survives the blood of his prey. If he dies, I shall mourn tonight. Darkspawn blood is poisonous, but not always fatal. Those who survive grow immune to its effects. The Wardens say the tainted blood drives even the survivors mad eventually… but not today. Today we hunt, and we kill."

I avoided commenting on how gung ho he was on fighting. "Wouldn't it be smarter to leave your dogs behind?"

The man snorted. "They fight at our side. We do not fret over their safety as if they were children. So we paint ourselves with kaddis, which overpowers the blood, and also paint our hounds, so they know we are the same."

I saw an obvious flaw. "What if the enemy is painted with kaddis, as well?"

"Why? Would you steal our kaddis and give it to the darkspawn hordes?" He could not see past this Blight.

"Absolutely not!" I responded. Why ever would I when I had no hound and used daggers?

"Good. I hear death is unpleasant."

There was absolutely nothing more that I could ask this man. "I should be going."

The man breathed a sigh of relief. "My thanks. There is hunting to be done, and I'll not be kept from it."

I found Duncan in front of a large campfire. "You found our tent, I see. Is there something you need?"

"I'm ready to begin the Joining ritual."

Duncan nodded in approval, and I wondered what he was nodding at – my choice or the fact that I had taken his advice and gotten myself new armor and weapons? "Then you will need to locate Alistair and tell him it is time. I'm not certain where he went off to. Knowing him, I'm not sure I want to know."

I took my leave and decided to find this 'Alistair', but I ran into a man with a quiver on his back. "Well, you're not what I thought you'd be."

This startled me a little. "And who are you?"

"The name's Daveth. It's about bloody time you came along. I was beginning to think they cooked this ritual up just for our benefit."

Sorry, **Shellbow**, but the chapters will be around this length in the foreseeable future. It's just easier.


	5. Chapter 5

"What do you know about this ritual?" I asked cautiously.

"I happened to be sneaking around camp last night, see, and I heard a couple of Grey Wardens talking. So I listen in for a bit. I'm thinking they plan to send us into the Wilds."

This guy was setting off my 'sneaky' alarms. "Maybe they will. We'll see."

He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "It's all too secretive for me. Makes my nose twitch. I guess we'll have to wait and see. Like we have a choice."

I ignored that last part. Duncan wouldn't force someone to be a recruit. "I'm looking forward to it."

"You sound just like the bloody knight. Well, more power to you," he sighed, and then "Anyway, I expect it's time to get back to Duncan. That's where I'll be, if you need me for anything."

I couldn't imagine needing him for anything in the near future, but I let the comment pass and he went on his way. But who was 'the bloody knight'?

I continued on to find two people – two men – arguing at the top of a ruined staircase.

"What is it now?" the first one asked. "Haven't the Grey Wardens asked enough of the Circle?"

"I simply came to deliver a message from the revered mother, ser mage. She desires your presence."

The mage was incensed. "What her Reverence 'desires' is of no concern to me! I am busy helping the Grey Wardens – by the king's orders, I might add!"

The other man, a redhead, was clearly reaching the end of his patience. "Should I have asked her to write a note?"

"Tell her I will not be harassed in this manner!"

The redhead now delved into full sarcasm. "Yes, I was harassing you by delivering a message."

"Your glibness does you no credit," the mage responded. Funny, it raised **my **opinion of him.

"Here I thought we were getting along so well. I was even going to name one of my children after you… the grumpy one."

The mage had clearly reached his limit of how much sarcasm he could deal with in one conversation. "Enough! I will speak to the woman if I must! Get out of my way, fool!"

The mage stormed off, and the redhead turned to me. "You know, one good thing about the Blight is how it brings people together," he quipped.

I laughed a little at that. "You are a very strange human."

"You're not the first one to tell me that. Wait, we haven't met, have we? I don't suppose you happen to be another mage?"

"We haven't met," I reassured him. "You must be Alistair."

He caught on quickly. "And that makes you Duncan's new recruit, I suppose? Glad to meet you. As junior member of the order, I'll be accompanying you when you prepare for the Joining."

"Pleased to meet you. My name is Kallian."

"Right. That was the name. So I'm curious: Have you ever actually encountered darkspawn before?"

I was a little ashamed to admit it. "No, I haven't."

Alistair didn't seem to notice. "When I fought my first one, I wasn't prepared for how monstrous it was. I can't say I'm looking forward to encountering another. Anyhow, whenever you're ready let's head back to Duncan. I imagine he's eager to get things started."

"That argument I saw… what was it about?"

"With the mage? The Circle is here at the king's request and the Chantry doesn't like that one bit. They just **love** letting mages know how unwelcome they are. Which puts me in a bit of an awkward position. I was once a Templar."

"You were a mage-hunter?" The Templars had also killed my mother, but that was more a matter of territory than anything else. The path we had taken in the forest that day was just behind the Chantry.

Alistair looked a little miffed. "Not that that's all Templars do, but yes. The Chantry raised me until Duncan recruited me six months ago. I'm sure the revered mother meant it as an insult – sending me as her messenger – and the mage picked right up on that. I never would have agreed to deliver it, but Duncan says we're all to cooperate and get along. Apparently, they didn't get the same speech."

"What about the other recruits?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Daveth and Ser Jory are here in camp. Have you met them?"

I pulled a face. "I've met Daveth."

"Right, that cutpurse Duncan conscripted. Not sure what Duncan sees in him, to be honest. Keep an eye out; maybe we'll see the other one. Or I can track him down later."

Alistair's words added to the growing suspicion I had of Daveth, but I decided to focus on it later. "Let's go."

"If you have any questions, let me know. Otherwise, lead on!"

I went past what I assumed to be Loghain's tent, but I didn't really care to stop in. Whoever this man was, I didn't want to stop in until I was a full Grey Warden. Instead, we headed over to Duncan to start the ceremony.

"You found Alistair, did you? Good. I'll assume you are ready to begin preparations." He turned to Alistair. "Assuming, of course, that you're quite finished riling up mages, Alistair."

"What can I say? The revered mother ambushed me. The way she wields guilt they should stick her in the army."

Duncan smirked. "She forced you to sass the mage, did she? We cannot afford to antagonize anyone, Alistair. We don't need to give anyone more ammunition against us."

More? Exactly what kind of organization had saved me from the hangman's noose?

Alistair held out for a second, and then said "I apologize, Duncan. I'll go collect who we're missing.

I studied my surroundings while he was away. The firelight made everything else look darker, and gave something of a creepier feeling to the place, even though it was broad daylight. Alistair came back with two men – one was Daveth, and the other one was a balding man dressed in metallic armor.

Alistair introduced the balding man to the party. "This is Ser Jory, a knight from Redcliffe."

"How do you do?" he asked congenially, and I flashed him something of a half smile.

Duncan proceeded. "Now then, since you are all here, we can begin. You four will be heading into the Korcari Wilds to perform two tasks. The first is to obtain three vials of darkspawn blood, one for each recruit."

That threw me for a loop. "What do we need darkspawn blood for?"

"For the Joining itself. I'll explain more once you've returned. You weren't recruited out of charity. All three of you are skilled and resourceful. Alistair is the most junior member of our order and will accompany you as is tradition. Do not worry. I doubt you will need to go far in the Wilds to find what you seek."

I spoke up again. "And what's the second task?"

"There was once a Grey Warden archive in the Wilds, abandoned long ago when we could no longer afford to maintain such remote outposts. It has recently come to our attention that some scrolls have been left behind, magically sealed to protect them. Alistair, I want you to retrieve these scrolls if you can."

I wanted all the information I could get on this mission of sorts, and neither of my fellow recruits looked like they were going to ask anything any time soon. "What kind of scrolls are these?"

"Old treaties, if you're curious. Promises of support made to the Grey Wardens long ago. They were once considered only formalities. With so many having forgotten their commitments to us, I suspect it may be a good idea to have something to remind them with."

That didn't sound good. "And what if they're no longer there?"

Duncan looked troubled at the mere thought. "It's possible the scrolls may have been destroyed or even stolen, though the seal's magic should have protected them. Only a Grey Warden can break such a seal."

Alistair joined the conversation. "I don't understand… why leave such things in a ruin if they're so valuable?"

"It was assumed we would someday return. A great many things were assumed that have not held true.

My head was spinning from the responsibility. "Find the archive and three vials of blood. Understood."

Duncan addressed Alistair directly. "Watch over your charges, Alistair. Return quickly, and safely." To us all, he said "Then may the Maker watch over your path. I will see you when you return."

That was a dismissal if I had ever heard one. I turned and left, noticing that my fellow recruits and Alistair followed a few steps behind. I had somehow become the default leader, even though the responsibility was Alistair's.

I went to the gate, where I was stopped by a guard. "I'm told you all have business in the Wilds. The gate's open for you… just be careful out there. Even a Grey Warden won't be safe in the forest tonight."

The first thing that attacked us outside of the gate was wolves. Not Blight wolves or cursed wolves, but regular wolves. These I could handle. While Alistair took the front, I got behind them before I attacked. Ser Jory was protecting Daveth, who used a bow and arrow well. The battle took but a few minutes, and when it was over I checked the party for wounds. Alistair's armor and shield took the beating from the wolves' teeth and nails, but neither looked very bad, and Ser Jory (for some reason that's how his name stuck) had a similar situation, though he had a two handed sword. Daveth hadn't a scratch on him at all, and my leather, which showed the tooth marks, didn't need any repair, though my daggers needed cleaning. I wiped my blade on the ground twice, and noticed the other two with blades doing the same. It struck me as odd behavior, but maybe they were waiting for me to signal the end of a fight.

I took the pelts of the wolves that attacked us, thinking they would be excellent trading materials when we got back to the Army camp. I heard a rustling in the bushes, and turned in time to see a wolf of much darker fur run ahead of us. I didn't know much about wolves – they weren't all that common in Denerim's forests – but they were pack animals, and this wolf hadn't attacked us with the others. That meant that we could probably expect to see more wolves, but this one's fur had been almost purplish in the black. Purple wasn't a natural fur color, was it?

We came across a body in the marshes, and there was a letter sticking out of his pocket. I took it and put it away for future reading. We had a job to do here, and nothing could be done until we had those three vials of darkspawn blood.

Daveth spotted a man on the ground, and we gathered around him. "Who… is that? Grey… Wardens…?"

At Alistair's nod, he continued. "They came out of the ground… Please, help me! I've got to… return to camp…"

The man was wounded, and he thought of getting the information to the camp. As much as I wanted him to stay where he was and be healed by potions I had brought, I knew that my companions would likely need them and that due to desire to travel light I had not brought as many as I should have. I also knew my healing potions weren't as potent as I would have liked. I huffed. "Let's try to bandage him up, at least."

Alistair spoke up. "I have bandages in my pack." He bent down and wrapped linen around the man's leg until the wounded area was completely covered.

"Thank you," the man said, and he groaned as he got to his feet. He didn't look that good, but he was steady on his legs. "I… I've got to get out of here!"

He left, and Ser Jory turned to Alistair. "Did you hear? An entire patrol of seasoned men killed by darkspawn!"

"Calm down, Ser Jory. We'll be fine if we're careful," Alistair said.

Ser Jory didn't believe him. "Those soldiers were careful, and they were still overwhelmed. How many darkspawn can the four of us slay? A dozen? A hundred? There's an entire **army** in these forests!"

"There are darkspawn about, but we're in no danger of walking into the bulk of the horde."

"How do you know? I'm not a coward, but this is foolish and reckless. We should go back."

Privately I agreed, but Duncan had made it quite clear that we were to have darkspawn blood if we were to become Grey Wardens. I had no life besides this.

"Overcoming these dangers is a part of our test."

The other two recruits looked shocked, but Alistair nodded grimly. "Know this:" he started, "All Grey Wardens can sense darkspawn. Whatever their cunning, I guarantee they won't take us by surprise. That's why I'm here."

"You see, ser knight? We might die, but we'll be warned about it first," Daveth commented dryly.

Ser Jory didn't look very happy. "That is… reassuring?"

Alistair pulled everything back in. "That doesn't mean I'm here to make this easy, however. So let's get a move on."

Daveth and Ser Jory grumbled at that, as if staying in one place would make them any less a target for darkspawn, but I used a second to read the letter I'd found on the corpse we came across. It talked of a path through the forest that led to the man's father. At very least I thought the father ought to be notified that his son was with the Maker, and I started to keep my eyes out for the tree that leaned on a ruined building.

We had only gone a little past the area where we'd battled with wolves when we were ambushed by darkspawn. Alistair warned us before we saw them, and I guessed they'd heard us while we were fighting the wolves. We collected two vials of darkspawn blood there, as well as armor and a health poultice. It struck me as suspicious that an enemy would fall before he could use it, and I put it in a separate area of my pack.

We came to the tree leaning on the building, and passed a ruined tower and went between an arch and a look out stone. More darkspawn ambushed us, and I discovered that for Alistair seniority in the Grey Wardens and previous membership with the Templars, he hadn't mastered the subtle art of taking care of himself in battle. He went down, and I found myself dealing with caring for myself, fighting darkspawn, and making sure he didn't get stepped on while he was down there. Alistair had taken a powerful shield blow to his chest that had knocked both the wind and the fight out of him, and while he claimed to not be seriously hurt, I gave him an Injury Kit anyway. It wouldn't hurt, and after he used it, his breathing seemed to get better.

We found the flower the dog needed, but after that we ran into a pack of wolves at full speed. They were dispatched without too much trouble, but it troubled me that these wolves weren't like the one I'd seen after the first battle. How many distinct packs of wolves could survive in a forest? The two packs we'd killed looked similar in most ways. Was the black-purple fur a birth defect of some sort?

During the battle I'd learned how to be nimbler (which I had a feeling might translate into locks), but I learned how to pull backstabs easier and with more precision. It would help when I came across enemies that stood.

We also came across an iron chest – I didn't even need to pick it – but it had a decent sword that Alistair got. There was also a shield, but the letter at the bottom held the name 'Jogby', so I checked it out. The father had seen a mass migration of the Chasind, and he had left his son tools to defend himself with. My determination to find this man and tell this man what had happened increased. Wherever or whoever 'Rigby' was, I would find and tell him.

We came back to the corpses of the darkspawn that had felled Alistair temporarily (something Daveth was still teasing him on), and we found the corpse of a darkspawn that we'd missed before. The corpse still had enough blood in it to fill a vial, which meant the only thing left was to look for the treaties. There was also bunch of fire arrows for Daveth and a lyrium potion for a mage yet to join the group. There were a couple of herbs and there was another lyrium potion, as well as some armor that I decided to take along to trade with later.

We ran into one last group of darkspawn, and while Alistair was more cautious, I still had to tell him to take a potion while he was fighting. I found myself against a Hurlock Alpha, and my armor got messed up while I was going up against the thing. I finally caught it with a Backstab, but I had to take a health poultice immediately and apply it before I could help my comrades out. Once it was done we looted the bodies of the darkspawn for money, armor, and potions, but I didn't pass up a gemstone – fluorspar – when I found it on the body of a hemlock.

I also replaced one of my daggers with an Enchanted Dagger.

We came across the ruins, and I thought I saw the wolf again out of the corner of my eye. I approached the ruined box, and a woman's voice rang out.

"Are you a vulture, I wonder? A scavenger poking amidst a corpse whose bones were long since cleaned?"


	6. Chapter 6

I faced her fully. Her revealing shirt looked like it gave absolutely no support to her chest, and the pale skin she sported emphasized the purples and blacks in her wardrobe. She was obviously an apostate, as she leaned on a staff, and I heard Alistair tense up beside me. Everything he had been taught as a Templar told him that this woman was dangerous and should die. I remembered the Surana family, and how long they'd tried to hide Neria's gift. This woman was free to live her life as she chose – something Neria would never be able to say.

"Or merely an intruder, come into these darkspawn –filled Wilds of mine in search of easy prey?" She came to a stop roughly fifteen feet in front of me. "What say you, hmm? Scavenger or intruder?"

"I am neither. The Grey Wardens once owned this tower," I replied in an even tone. I could tell that if she had wanted me dead, I would have been – so if that wasn't her purpose, what was?

"Tis a tower no longer. The Wilds have obviously claimed this desiccated corpse." She strode closer, and Alistair was getting nervous. He gripped his sword handle, and I knew Ser Jory was probably going for his as well. I had no clue about Daveth, but I hoped he didn't have an arrow drawn. Diplomacy was so much easier without obvious threats. "I have watched your progress for some time. 'Where do they go,' I wondered, 'why are they here?' And now you disturb ashes none have touched for so long. Why is that?"

Alistair cut me off before I could say a word. "Don't answer her. She looks Chasind, and that means other may be nearby."

I knew that wasn't true by Rigby's letter, but the witch spoke in her own defense. "You fear barbarians will swoop down upon you?"

"Yes, swooping is bad."

I shook my head at Alistair's reply, but I started to like this unnamed apostate. Her humor was wonderfully dark.

Daveth cried out, "She's a Witch of the Wilds, she is! She'll turn us into toads!"

The woman scoffed. "Witch of the Wilds? Such idle fancies, those legends. Have you no minds of your own?" She turned to face me. "You there. Elves are not frightened little girls. Tell me your name and I shall tell you mine."

"You can call me Kallian." Alistair bristled next to me.

"And you may call me Morrigan, if you wish. Shall I guess your purpose? You sought something in that chest, something that is here no longer?"

"'Here no longer?' You stole them, didn't you? You're… some kind of… sneaky… witch-thief!"

If I wasn't so concerned for keeping the peace and possibly getting our treaties back, I would have found his comment laughable.

"How very eloquent. How does one steal from dead men?" Morrigan asked.

"Quite easily, it seems." Alistair returned. "Those documents are Grey Warden property, and I suggest you return them."

Morrigan scoffed. "I will not, for 'twas not I who removed them. Invoke a name that means nothing here any longer if you wish; I am not threatened. 'Twas my mother, in fact."

"Can you take us to her?" I asked. Maker, it was hard to keep the guys from attacking Morrigan, but we needed those treaties.

Morrigan smiled – or, at least, it was as close to a smile as I was going to get. "There is a sensible request. I like you."

"I'd be careful," Alistair warned. "First it's 'I like you…' but then 'Zap!' Frog time."

Daveth spoke up. "She'll put us all in the pot, she will. Just you watch."

I wondered why Ser Jory hadn't spoke up. It didn't matter. Morrigan could take us to the treaties if she wished, and Duncan believed they were necessary for stopping the Blight.

"Follow me, then, if it pleases you," Morrigan offered, and I (as well as three terrified men) followed her.

The underbrush was thick, and several times I almost tripped over stones and roots that carpeted the trail. I heard the guys behind me do the same, and once Daveth got a face full of Alistair's armor. I suppressed a laugh at that, but it was as if Morrigan didn't hear it. She might have, but simply chose not to respond.

After what seemed like hours of monotonous climbing, we came to a clearing. There was an old statue and a hut, and outside the hut stood an old woman.

Morrigan spoke up. "Greetings, Mother. I bring before you four Grey Wardens who—"

The old woman spoke up. "I see them, girl. Mmm. Much as I expected."

"Are we supposed to believe you were expecting us?" Alistair said. He was even more scared now that we were likely face-to-face with TWO Witches of the Wild.

The elderly woman replied sharply. "You are required to do nothing, least of all believe. Shut one's eyes tight or open one's arms wide… either way, one's a fool!"

"She's a witch, I tell you! We shouldn't be talking to her!"

"Quiet, Daveth!" Ser Jory returned. "If she's really a witch, do you want to make her mad?'

Morrigan's mother spoke again. "There is a smart lad. Sadly irrelevant to the larger scheme of things, but it is not I who decides. Believe what you will." She turned to me. "And what of you? Does your elven mind give you a different viewpoint? What do you believe?"

"I'm not sure what to believe," I admitted.

"A statement that possesses more wisdom than it implies. Be always aware… or is it oblivious? I can never remember. So much about you is uncertain… and yet I believe. Do I? Why, it seems I do?"

I had a hard time believing that she was a harmless old woman, but Alistair's guard came down. "So this is a dreaded Witch of the Wilds?"

"Witch of the Wilds, eh? Morrigan must have told you that. She fancies such tales, though she would never admit it! Oh, how she dances under the moon!" The old woman laughed, but she sobered. "True, they came for their treaties, yes? And before you begin barking, your precious seal wore off long ago. I have protected these."

That took all of us aback. "You… oh. You protected them?"

The old woman addressed Alistair directly. "'And why not? Take them to your Grey Wardens and tell them this Blight's threat is greater than they realize!"

"What do mean the threat is greater than they realize?" I asked, perhaps a bit foolishly.

"Either the threat is more or they realize less. Or perhaps the threat is nothing! Or perhaps they realize nothing!" She laughed again, and I found I did not like the sound. "Oh, do not mind me. You have what you came for!"

Morrigan stood next to her mother. "Time for you to go, then."

"Do not be ridiculous, girl. These are your guests," the old woman scolded.

"Oh, very well. I will show you out of the woods. Follow me."

I realized while we made our way back that I had never caught Morrigan's mother's name.

Duncan was waiting for us by the fire. "So you return from the Wilds. Have you been successful?"

"We have."

Alistair moved closer to Duncan. "There was a woman at the tower and her mother held the scrolls. They were both very… odd."

"Were they wilder folk?" Duncan asked.

"I don't think so," Alistair answered. "They might be apostates: mages hiding from the Chantry."

It occurred to me that we'd never seen either of them actually DO any magic. We'd just seen a woman in a funny outfit with a staff that looked weird and her mother, who (besides acting slightly insane) dressed like a normal old woman would.

"I know you were once a Templar, Alistair, but Chantry business is not ours. We have the scrolls: let us focus on the Joining."

The Joining – the mysterious rite we had to go through to become Grey Wardens that would make us immune to darkspawn blood, and required the same for some reason. "Now will you tell us what this ritual is about?"

Duncan sighed. "I will not lie: we Grey Wardens pay a heavy price to become what we are. Fate may decree that you pay your price now rather than later."

"I have no problem facing what is to come."

Ser Jory stepped forward. "I agree. Let's have it done."

"Then let us begin. Alistair, take them to the old temple."

Night had completely fallen by the time we got there, and I noticed the moon was rising. The temple was in even worse condition than the rest of the ruins, and a slight breeze was blowing. My tattered leather armor was barely keeping me warm.

"The more I hear about this Joining, the less I like it.

"Are you blubbering again?"

"Why all these damned tests? Have I not earned my place?" Ser Jory asked, ignoring Daveth's comment.

"Maybe it's tradition," Daveth suggested. "Maybe they're just trying to annoy you."

This was getting out of hand. "Calm down. There's nothing we can do about it now."

"I only know that my wife is in Highever with a child on the way. If they had warned me… it just doesn't seem fair."

"Would you have come if they'd warned you? Maybe that's why they don't. The Wardens do what they must, right?"

Ser Jory didn't look as though he agreed with Daveth. "Including sacrificing us?"

"I'd sacrifice a lot more if I knew it would end the Blight."

I felt a little more kindly towards Daveth. "You make a good point."

He continued on. "You saw those darkspawn, ser knight. Wouldn't you die to protect your pretty wife from them?"

"I…"

Daveth didn't stop. "Maybe you'll die. Maybe we'll all die. If nobody stops the darkspawn, we'll all die for sure."

"I've just never faced a foe I could not engage with my blade," came Ser Jory's feeble defense.

Duncan climbed up the steps to where we were. "At last we come to the Joining. The Grey Wardens were founded during the first Blight, when humanity stood on the verge of annihilation. So it was that the first Grey Wardens drank of darkspawn blood and mastered their taint."

The first thought that came to mind was that things must have been very desperate for someone to think drinking any type of blood was a good idea.

Ser Jory was visibly disgusted by the idea. "We're… going to drink the blood of those… those creatures?"

Duncan nodded. "As the first Grey Wardens did before us, as we did before you. This is the source of our power and our victory."

"Those who survive the Joining become immune to the taint. We can sense it in the darkspawn and use it to slay the archdemon," Alistair added.

The idea of drinking the blood of those things was starting to turn my stomach. If I thought about it anymore, I'd lose the breakfast that I'd made before Duncan and I made it into this Maker-forsaken place. I swallowed thickly. "Those who survive?"

Duncan took back our attention. "Not all who drink the blood will survive and those who do are forever changed. This is why the Joining is a secret. It is the price we pay. We speak only a few words prior to the Joining, but these words have been said since the first. Alistair, if you would?"

"Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand, vigilant. Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn." Alistair stared down at the ground while he spoke. His tone was mournful. "And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten and that one day we shall join you."

Duncan picked up a large crystal chalice. "Daveth, step forward."

He did so, and took a sip from the concoction in the crystal. It was one of the scariest things I'd ever seen – including my first darkspawn, which had terrified me until I saw Alistair slice one in half. Daveth started falling back almost immediately after he'd swallowed, and he jerked like his body was a puppet, and someone else was controlling the strings. He grabbed his throat as he fell to the ground, and even without checking his pulse I knew he was dead.

Duncan looked on him with a degree of pity. "I am sorry, Daveth." A moment of silence for Daveth, and then "Step forward, Jory."

Jory began to visibly freak out. "But… I have a wife. A child! Had I known…"

"There is no turning back."

"No!" Jory shouted, backing away from Duncan. "You ask too much! There is no glory in this!"

Jory drew his sword and continued to back up until he hit a wall. Duncan kept going towards him, and drew his own sword. Jory attempted to fight, but Duncan easily won. There was a single, quick stab, and Jory joined Daveth – on the floor, and with the Maker.

Upon further reflection, it was that phrase – 'Had I known' – that killed him. Now that he knew why the Wardens were Grey instead of White and Shining, he didn't want in. If he could die in any other way besides battle, he didn't want it. Ser Jory had a certain way of living, and now that it was getting good, he wasn't willing to lay it all down.

Then again, I'm not the best person to speak against that. I didn't have anything to lose. I died when I was abducted. There was never any chance of me escaping that castle alive – or, at very least, free. I think that's why when Duncan looked up and said 'But the Joining is not yet complete,' I didn't freak out.

"You are called upon to submit yourself to the taint for the greater good."

With those words, Duncan handed me the chalice that had taken Daveth's life. I took a sip, and the liquid was in my mouth before I could process how rancid the liquid smelled. The actual blood slid down my throat even though my instinct was to spit it out, and as soon as I'd swallowed, I regretted it. Alistair and Duncan stepped back.

"Form this moment forth, you are a Grey Warden."

I heard Duncan's voice floating, but just after they registered a sharp pain seared through my head. I doubled over, and I could feel my eyes rolling back in my head. The pain was so strong I fell to my knees, but I lost control of my senses after that. I saw some form of corrupted dragon – the Archdemon, I guessed – against a background of green and white. It roared, and everything faded to white…

I woke up to both Alistair and Duncan leaning over me.

"It is finished. Welcome."

I started to sit up as Duncan was talking. I must have fallen over and then started seizing when I saw the demon dragon, for I was on my back.

"Two more deaths. In my Joining, only one of us died, but it was… horrible. I'm glad to see at least one of you made it through." Alistair looked genuinely relived that I'd made it, but maybe that was just an appreciation of life more than anything else.

"How do you feel?" Duncan asked.

There were so many answers to that question. 'Like crap' was one, but I was still shaken. "I still can't believe you killed Ser Jory."

"Jory was warned that there was no turning back, as were you all. When he went for his blade, however, he left me no choice." Duncan paused. "It brought me no pleasure to end his life. The Blight might demand sacrifices from us all. Thankfully, you stand here as proof they are not all made in vain."

There was something of a silence, but Alistair broke it soon enough. "Did you have dreams? I had terrible dreams after my Joining."

Duncan fell back into his role of teacher. "Such dreams come when you begin to sense the darkspawn, as we all do. That and many other things can be explained in the months to come."

"Before I forget, there is one last part to your Joining," Alistair added. "We take some of that blood and put it in a pendant, something to remind us… of those who didn't make it this far."

"Take some time," Duncan suggested. "When you are ready, I'd like you to accompany me to a meeting with the King."

"What kind of meeting?" If it was about Denerim, I'd want a good long time to recuperate – and to prepare. I knew I couldn't be killed, but in my current state I might accidentally tell someone about Soris…

"The King is discussing strategy for the upcoming battle. I am not sure why he has requested your presence," Duncan admitted. Had I left that deep an impression on the King? "The meeting is to the west, down the stairs. Please attend as soon as you are able."

I was excused, and the first thing I did was get some food. Even though the blood still churned in my stomach, I was starving and had no idea why.


End file.
